:(

idk whats up with me.
i don't know what i want; well actually i know what i want i just cant have it and this very moment.
i want my car from my gramma right now, not whenever she decides to actually give it to me. i want to be fucking skinny {don't we all?}. i want summer to be here so i go on my vacation and when i come back i'll have my job {another excuse to get out of my kitchen}. i want money to 'enjoy myself' with substances that may or may not be psychedelic.

abc is not working for me. idk why but it just ain't. excuse my grammar, please. i need to adopt regular fasting into my life. im going to start doing it every monday, starting this monday. i can't worry about calories anymore, i'm too care free these days. i need to prepare "snacks" and "meals" so that i can just grab them, eat them, and feel like i don't need to eat more. bananas, water, sprouted lentils, rice cakes, more water, home made veggie soup if needed. yup thats the plan. so fuck off abc diet.

i'm seeing my friend tomorrow. we are like ana buddies except she doesn't have an ed, or atleast i don't think she does. we went to grade school together and i'm going to her dads bday party tomorrow, 2-6. it should be fun, but i know what she's gonna ask, "were you good yesterday?", "how's your diet?". shit like that. and of course i'm going to be honest and say "no i was not. dieting is not the only thing on my mind right now. i have other concerns like my addiction problems and school work." i can't be perfect......

i need some sort of diet pill or some shit like that to help jump start my loss. no $$$$

i'll try to post more.